Category Archives: Musings

So you think you can write?

I never imagined I would one day enjoy writing as much as I do now, and if you were in my shoes, well you wouldn’t have imagined much either ….

For starters, there’s my primary school teacher who thought my compositions were unrealistic and found my spelling mistakes scary. (That’s actually the exact word she used “scary”).When others were writing about spending their holidays in Mombasa, I was writing about spending mine in the wilderness in Madagascar (which as far as I was concerned was somewhere in New York).

Then there’s my high school teacher who would just drown my stories in her expansive sea of endless negativity and since they couldn’t swim anyway, they died there, a slow painful death. Their languid bodies washed ashore on a deserted island, never to be found again.Then there was the first blog I ever had, the one that barely any one read…..the one whose URL even I can’t remember.

For the life of me, I wasn’t waking up to; inspirational quotes about writing, encouraging words from my teachers not even a team of muscular, handsome rugby players chanting “Write Chao! Write Chao!”…nothing of the sort.

Malcolm X once said that “our experiences fuse into our personality and everything we ever went through determines who we become”. How I ended up writing, I don’t exactly know. All I know for sure is that I can attribute all this “self-proclaimed-Shakespearean-prowess” to a series of events in my life that drove me to find solace in turning my thoughts into words. Basically anything that my mind conceives through words I perceive.

I write this post to thousands possibly even millions of people out there who don’t know me, who will never hear me or see me, but who through my sentiments and thoughts will be inspired or influenced by me. Sometimes it feels like there’s not enough room in the world for you to do whatever it is that you really want. It seems like we’re all trying to engrave our names on the trunk of a really tiny tree. But we forget that we could always plant our own trees and curve out our names there.

This is what writing does for me; it gives me the power to reach people beyond my scope of friends or family, people from all walks of life, people from all around the world. And quite simply I have the ability to reach an entire population that is beyond my physical grasp. Yes you can call me super woman. But I’m not fighting crime in your city or rescuing your cats from trees; I’m infiltrating your minds and trying to make you see that you only live once, do something that matters to you.

I’ll let you in on a little secret The most important thing in this life is to find and do something you love .Something that you can do effortlessly. Something that makes the sun shine over your head even when it’s raining over others.” You could be a vet with a love for fashion design or an economist who loves astronomy or a nurse who loves mechanics. Let the world call you crazy or ambitious, but if it makes you see light when there’s darkness all around, then hold on to it like a fig tree does to the ground.

Resources may not always be within your reach but hey, who says you can’t make a feast from whatever crumbs you have. For instance if I won a million dollars today, first thing I’d probably do is fly off to Italy and enrol in the University of Rome or University of Florence, to study History/ Art. And since I’d probably be in a position to fund the entire university, everyone will think I’m either a Saudi prince’s wife or a dictatorial African president’s daughter. (:)) Okay I kid, all I’m saying is that it doesn’t hurt to try and just keep trying till you find that satisfaction which will keep you afloat no matter how grey your days get.

Trust me I know how hard it can be to keep on doing something that has no immediate benefits or any justifiable reason, but if it gives you peace by all means go for it. So maybe my stories are unrealistic or my spelling mistakes scary, but it’s fine by me. And if you ask me “So you think you can write?” I’ll probably embrace my black woman aura snap my fingers and say “Of course I can write!!” like Maya Angelou to a poem, this always feels right.

Having a reason to live equals having a reason to give, they’ll always be someone who’ll be influenced or inspired by your work. Make something happen. And finally before this turns into one of those “Help yourself, Do it yourself” seminars where you’ve been sitting down for hours on end and the only thing you can remember the speaker saying is “there’s food and drinks at the back”… I hope you find the strength to start something you love or the courage to continue working on something you have.

Ciao 🙂

Advertisements

Friday night razzmatazz

Hello my faithful Agorians (yes I just coined this term).Its a Friday night , I’m curled up in my room watching Da Vinci’s demons  and Ive decided to  feed my darling blog with this short post while I still have the peace of mind and a semblance of tranquillity still exists in the air.

Ive seen enough  of campus life to know that  Friday nights officially begin any time now and by the time I’ve finished writing this post  speakers will be blaring ,left,  right and center, all of them playing the same riddim mix .

And Ill go stand smack in the middle of the hostels and shout ::::

 "For crying out loud every Friday its the same thing.. the same thing!!.. If your all playing one thing ,why don't you just let  one person play it or just get some new music Gad-damn!! " 


And Ill storm off  in such a huff and puff  even the Hulk would wet the only pair of pants he has.

But of course!! I’ll only do this inside my head., in reality Ill still be sited on my bed counting daisies and knitting my sorry self a woollen shoal wishing I had the guts to.

Back to the main agenda for today  as I said Ive been watching Da Vinci’s Demons and I just took an exhilarating trip on that one way Nostalgia train.It took me back to those days when I used to have an obsession with Italian art,history ,culture .I still do but with present day circumstances school and all, I don’t have the same resources and/or time at my disposal.As a result I don’t read  and research as much as I used  to ..but maybe someday Ill get my groove back.

Oh you wretched of beings ..Life   you strip us off  the very things we love and just leave us there to rot in uncertainty and dissatisfaction .   🙂

Anyway here are some quotes and excerpts from different books I read way back then : >> Da Vinci’s Demons. I figured Ill get blogging for a bit then get back to watching before I get caught up in this Friday night reverie.

Have a good one guys ,,,Ciao,

 

DSC03057 DSC03182

Documentaries in her head

It gets to that  point in the night where I cant write a single line of code,I cant read a single line of text ,my brain basically just hands me the “we’re closed sign”.How do I know Ive gotten to this point ?  I start making really many typos (now you know) and  I start having random thoughts and ideas about literally anything .Like today’s for instance.I thought about making documentaries in the future.Thats basically it I just found out I would love to make documentaries. Ive recently been watching a lot of them actually,the most recent ones being the BBC “Hiroshima Bomb” one and also BBC’s “Napoleons road to Moscow” .They’re very well done ,the screenplay ,narration ,timeline of events I mean the last time I was this engrossed on a particular subject Dumbledore had just told Harry Potter he was going to die .I have it all planned out in my head by the way ,im one of those people who puts salt in their food before tasting  it (metaphorically and literally ).My documentaries would tell African stories ,stories of African people ,African leaders ,African culture ,African history by Africa.See the worst part about our current state as a continent is that most of our documented history only begins as far as the white man can remember which is sad because there was a people,a culture,a haven even before colonisation.There was a civilisation before and someone needs to tell their stories someone needs to keep them alive .In the same way someone needs to tell our stories ,someone needs to keep us alive.See just like books ,just like photographs,just like music, documentaries are also a way to immortalise any instance of time so that people who never existed at such and such a period, can time travel back and forth through endless spheres of  culture,perception and lifestyle.Back and forth from one era to another.Like bouncing on a trampoline and every time you jump you enter a new realm of space and distant time.Okay Ill stop with the Steven Spielberg-ness. I have no idea where to start but no stress these things come slowly you never know.Plus now  I can write , that’s exactly what I’ll do, use the resources at hand .I have my brain and the WordPress guys to thank for this representation of  sublime thoughts.Thanks guys \o/. Aaaanndd My brain just gave me that “I told you we’re closed  don’t make me call the cops” look,.I….. cant …….write….. no ……more .

So long world,till we meet again.

The end where I begin

“Why they say never say never, when they know that ain’t right?
Cause to never say never you done said never twice
Why do I need I.D. to get I.D.?
If I had I.D. I wouldn’t need I.D….”  Common – The Questions

For the life of me I cannot remember what made me think that I was wise and unable to compromise.Trying to find meaning in actions,in thoughts,in words,in people, in life. A futile effort,an embarrassing attempt and a nonsensical pursuit in a bid to satisfy a self-consuming need to understand .You see the world is round (as  you well know) so is everything else in it ,this could only mean one thing your beginning and your end is the same. That’s why  people say things like “We’re running round in circles” or “What goes around comes around”.Thats why individuals have social circles because every circle starts with you and ends  with you.Every question begets another question and every answer can be supported by another answer.

Its 3 in the morning ,I have a splitting headache from here to Alaska (no offence) and Im still trying to put the pieces of my scattered thoughts together.Struggling to grasp the fact that nothing is within my control no matter how much strength or will-power I master, Im still unable to alter the course of events.Just a tiny speck in a universe so large, larger than my imagination and trust me my imagination is huge.So where does this leave me,me and my questions,my doubts,my dreams,my fears? I guess it boils down to one thing ,hope.Circumstances are beyond your control,People are beyond your control,I mean even the weather is beyond your control so “Sweetheart” I tell myself “you’re not going to win this fight”.Now Im back to the very place I started its just me and my darling  hope and I hold on to it so tight because my life actually depends on it. And yes it does get tiring cause all you can do is just that ,hope you end up at the right place,hope you meet the right person,hope you do the right thing,hope you get what you hope for .But here’s something you should know hope begets faith,faith begets strength,strength begets drive and drive equals life.

From ashes you have come, to ashes you shall return, I just hope I get at least one thing write before my beginning meets my end.

Goodnight world.

soldier-yawning-perfect-timing

Lyrics:

  • The Script – The end where I begin
  • Common – The Questions

Today I thought about war

“In this war we are not fighting against you,the German people for whom we have no bitter feeling,but against a tyrannous and forsworn regime which has betrayed not only its own people but the whole of Western civilisation and all that you and we hold dear”

“May God Defend the Right”

Britain’s message to German people before declaring war on Germany (WW I)

 Lyrics Used:

“Hey Mr. soldier man
Tomorrow is the day you go to war
But you are fighting for another man’s cause
And you don’t even know him
What did he say to make you so blind
To your conscience and reason
Could it be love for your country
Or for the gun you use in killing”..(Asa)

Today had me thinking about war. War in the actual sense and war in the psychological sense.I thought about war in its realness and war in its wholeness.I thought about war in its ability to destroy and its ability to create.I say create because no matter what kind of war it is ,the aftermath always results in something/someone new.Someone who has been bruised and is healing , Someone who will never be the same again.

I thought about the psychological wars that exist within and without us.Psychological wars experienced by those who we well know and those who we know  nothing about; The lady sited next to you in the bus ,the waiter at the coffee shop,the taxi driver,the beggar who you pay little or no attention to.I thought about turmoil and peace and how the result of war is either of the two but never both.

I thought about the wars between our hearts and our minds.The wars between our reasoning and our conscience.The wars between our ability to change and our resistance to change.The wars between our willingness to love  and our capability to hate.The wars between our physical desires and our moral code.The wars between our freedom to live  and our slavery to superficial and material things.

I thought about the casualties of war  who find themselves in the midst of  strife without their knowledge and who suffer from it the most.I thought about the prisoners of war who are taken captive for belonging to the other “camp” , whose willingness to survive dies even before they do.I thought about the perpetrators of war whose selfish motives and blindness prevents them from realising the number of people who will be affected by their reckless decisions and  actions.

“There’s a wild wind blowing,
Down the corner of my street
Every night there the headlights are glowing
Theres a cold war coming, 
On the radio I heard
Baby it’s a violent world...”

So today I thought about war…I thought about war …and I thought about war.Its all around us not to mention within us.Its the substance that you breath,substance that you hear and the substance that you speak.An inalienable part of our existence if I may say so.I thought about war that culminates in peace.Peace that led me to the conclusion that the root of all wars be it regional ,relational ,international you name it is psychological war.War within your person.For anyone who has peace within them, has no reason to  willingly participate in a war let alone start one.

Horace Greasley :British prisoner of war who later gained fame for escaping from his camp over 200 times

More about :Horace Greasley 

“Oh love don’t let me go
Won’t you take me where the streetlights glow
I could hear it coming
Like a serenade of sound
Now my feet won’t touch the ground
Gravity release me,
And dont ever hold me down
Now my feet won’t touch the ground.”..(Coldplay)

🙂 🙂

T.C.M

It was worth a wound; it was worth many wounds; to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.

Dr Watson referring to Sherlock Holmes(The Adventure of the Three Gastritides)

t.b.c………………………………………………………………………………….